Overheard it’s Time for A Change

 

The Best of Overheard in the Office

Boss: I don’t produce much chest hair, but if I did, I would tend to it like a gardener tends to a beautiful tomato. — Waltham, Massachusetts

HR clerk: Excuse me, ma’am, but it appears that you have something stuck in your pantyhose on your left leg.
Visiting manager’s wife: I’m not wearing pantyhose! — Pearl, Mississippi

English coworker: I’m just going outside to suck on a fag. –Irvine, California

Cube dweller #1, complaining about printer repair guy: No one can understand what he’s saying! He’s completely tone deaf!
Cube dweller #2: Well, he’s… deaf. He reads lips.
Cube dweller #1: Oh, yeah. –Washington, DC

Lady peon to males making farting noises: Please! I am on the phone with my dad! [Into phone] No, they’re your age! –Burbank, California

Boss: I don’t know why he’s so moody.
Employee: I know! I think he’s bipolar.
Boss: No, I don’t think he even likes the cold. — Imperial, Pennsylvania

 

The Best of Overheard Celebrity Wit

Mo’Nique: F-A-T means ‘fabulous and thick,’ ‘full and tasty,’ ‘fluffy and tender.’

George W. Bush, looking at map of Brazil: Wow, Brazil is big.

Hillary Duff: I’m not, like, a crazy feminist. I think women definitely need men. Like, I couldn’t imagine having a girlfriend!

John Mayer: I want a guide dog. I’m an asshole like that.

Britney Spears: I no longer study Kaballah… My baby is my religion.

George Clooney: If I were as famous as some of those kids who are on the magazines right now at 21 years old, I’d be shooting crack under my eyeball.

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